Worst Analogies Written in High School Essays

(thanks to Javier for forwarding this to me)


Collected from high school English teachers around the US:


• The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

• McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

• From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.

• Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

• Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

• He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

• The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

• Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."

• Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

• The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr. Pepper can.

• John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

• The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.

• The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.